Is it enough to be a nice person?

This article was published in Campus magazine, September '12.

Winning! A very inspirational concept that has been the core axis on which the lives of some cultures revolve. Frankly speaking, I am jealous of those cultures. I won’t begin to list those countries as you can easily watch the Olympics or the scientific and technological breakthroughs in the past few decades to know which ones I’m talking about. Needless to say, this concept does NOT dominate our culture here in Egypt; at least not for most of us.

I guess the problem is that we define winning differently. It is more like; just be a good citizen! If you are a nice person, an average student or have a stable job, you’re making “not-bad” money, you’re married with kids and have an okay social life, then you’re doing great. And if you happen to play a sport on the side in which you rank 400^th on the world then you are rocking this world! We just stop asking for more, we are satisfied with much less than we deserve and much less than we can get.

Well, let’s try and see how winning gets shaped...

When we were toddlers, winning was simple, we had to take our first step or utter a word or two to feel our mothers’ pride and hear some cheering from the family. We grow up a bit and it starts turning into a cute little competition between kids in a nursery, each trying to finish his drawing or his food first for no other reason than to say: “Miss, I finished FIRST!” (Notice how the need for winning shows at such an early age). We go to school and it takes more different shapes. Some of us want to get the biggest star-shaped sticker on their hand; some enjoy the big group of kids tagging along them in the playground; while others are thrilled to go to their first sports practice and impress the coach with the striking move their daddies had taught them at home. You can think of all of that as “child’s play”, when in fact it gives a hint on how the rest of your life might turn out to be.

As the time flies, people keep changing; our values and perspectives, our priorities and most importantly how we view winning. One makes it his one and only goal to be the highest ranked academic achiever. He would dream, study, stay up late, visualize and achieve! Another wants to be a world Tennis champion. He understands that school is important but decides he’s going to be an average student if that’s what it takes to win a gold medal. He practices night and day, studies just to keep from failing, shuts out all other distractions…… and score! Others may take to music or charity or something totally unique that no one else would think of.

And then there are people who are caught in the middle, people like me actually, wanting a bit of everything, wishing against all odds to be good at each, but ending up only average. They want the high academic scores, try sports, love music and can’t let go of the regular social outings while of course attending to family and keeping their religious and spiritual level to a good level. These people are interested in almost everything they see, they are always curious to know more and they have many talents. Shamefully though, this is exactly where their problem lies. They lack focus and the right amount of drive that should get them to what/where they want. And the problem is, most of the time, they are never satisfied with what they do. They want more out of everything. They want to do many different things, and seek greatness in all or most of them. It just can’t happen!

Here is a personal experience with this dilemma:

  

I used to think it was perfectly okay just to be a nice person, with a good social life, good grades, a so-so sport and an average level in everything else. I even used to fight with my dad who was always pushing towards excelling at one specific thing and sacrificing one’s leisure time and many other things in order to be the best at it. I used to argue that I am also “winning” when I’m achieving a life balance that few people can do.

But during my late teens I started to develop a certain interest for movies and books (mostly American), that have sort of a personal challenge to the characters, whether in the sports, music, academics or a certain field of work. Really, the thrill, excitement and pride of achieving something – even in a movie – give me chills! I realized after a while that I almost never had that feeling in my own life before. Few are my times of glory, or pride of something that I did myself and that is truly worthy. It was a very disappointing feeling to be honest.  I was reminded of a famous cliché proverb, “Jack of all trades, Master of none”, or our Egyptian version, “sa7eb balein kaddab” and I give in to the fact that they are actually true.

I am rarely satisfied with what I am doing or what I have reached in life and want more of it; which of course I can’t get because my mind is wandering in a gazillion other things trying to see if there’s an opportunity there as well. It was just too exhausting to bear!

I’ll be honest, it took me a long time to figure this nice conclusion out and an even longer time to find that “thing” I might be really good at. It is not easy at all finding yourself, it’s more difficult being good at what you do, and indeed very challenging to be a real Winner at what you do. I have not yet reached that last part, far from it in fact, but I know I’ll keep trying until I get there.

I also know this: I, as a person, wanted to experience this thrill and the goose bumps that come with winning. This does NOT mean that this should be the rule. It is still perfectly normal to be a nice person and lead a good balanced life; in fact this country could really use nice people. But what I’m saying is that we could also use this little urge of wanting more from life than being average. We could use some winners here and there.

Winning doesn’t have to be against someone, it doesn’t have to be personal at all. You could win against your own self; you could win against science or against human nature (in a good way please) or you could win with or for other people. Just try to find what you’re good at and be a winner at it!