Discomfort Zone

This article was published in Central Magazine in the June/July '12 issue. 

A person’s “Comfort Zone” is as old and wrinkled as an old man. But unlike most old men, it is – in my opinion – boring as hell. I can hardly stay in that zone for more than two weeks in a row; or two months or two years, according to what kind of zone I’m talking about.

It comes in different shapes and sizes this comfort zone; it may look flowery and beautiful, or it may choke you but you just don’t have the guts to break out of it. It is the same style of clothes you wear every day, the same songs you know by heart or the same genre you listen to day and night. It is the group of friends you know and the same places you go to together because you fear that “other places wouldn’t have the same quality of service or food”. So what if the next place you go to is not as good? You know there are a million different places you can try out, right? And a million days to come when you can try them too! It is also the partner you’re not very happy with, but you can’t leave because you don’t know any better, or you can’t imagine any different.

Comfort zones also come in glossy colors and impressive packages; like the secure job and promising career in front of you, the one your parents are pushing you towards and your friends are saying you’re crazy not to take. This job could be – for you – boring and not fulfilling, and it doesn’t get the best in you; but it gets good money and benefits, and you’re good at it…so you stick with it. It could also be your political or social beliefs and concepts, which are actually not yours but your parents’. However, you have come to this world taught that they were the best there is, and you continue believing so forever.

According to Mr. Wikipedia’s definition; the comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk. I would say it is basically “not trying new things, staying on the sidelines, living in a bubble (even if it’s a good bubble), avoiding risks and playing it safe”. Is this really what you want to do with your life? Play it safe? Would this even be called playing? Or Life?

Let’s look at it from another side. We all know God has created this huge earth, with its beautiful scenery of mountains, rivers, oceans, greenery and things that we can never even count. We also know that He created human beings with brains - and naturally minds, and granted each person talents, interests, hobbies and gifts, as well as perceptions, beliefs and attitudes. Do you think God wanted for those things to remain unexplored and unwitnessed? Do you really think He meant for each person to keep to himself and be the same from birth till death? Does He want each of us to lazily conform to the herd, for fear of being judged by the same people who have blown this bubble around him in the first place? If so was the case, how do you think prophets have spread new religions and millions of people followed them? How did scientists make discoveries and inventions when their own families and even their own countries turned their back on them; or worse, were against them?

One should be positive those people were way out of their comfort zone...

We hear a lot of talk about team work, synergy, solidarity and many other words that all have something in common: people. Now, take a moment and count how many people you have inside your own comfort zone…3? 5? 20 even? And now imagine stepping out of that zone. How many people do you expect to meet there? A hundred? Thousand? More? I bet "synergizing" with a thousand different people would bring much better output, and I’m pretty sure those thousand people would be much more interesting than what you already know. 


People living outside your comfort zone are at the very least different than what you know; and their differences will shape your life in ways that you will not comprehend until much later. But ‘people’ are just an example; trying thinking of the experiences you will have, the places you will visit and the things you will explore. They will all be part of a new, more exposed, more productive, more well rounded – and I promise, much happier – YOU.

Build the guts to break out of your comfort zone. Believe me, you'll be back to thank me ;)

Inevitable Jungle

In the forest where no one may pass but you… you think you're all alone, but you never really are. You reluctantly take your first steps into the woods and hope the short but seemingly long journey would pass in peace. You start the trip with heavy steps; wishing that each one will take you back to where you started instead of forward to where you should be.

Walking slowly through the entwined trees; your mind is distracted by the noise of the hissing animals, croaking insects and trees brushing against each other and against you. However, you're trying focus on the wrinkled map of the jungle ahead of you so as not to lose your way. You hear a loud screech and a sudden bump near you and look to your right to find two chimpanzees fighting their heads off! You stand there; intrigued to watch, wondering what the reason behind the fight is; but you decide that it's best to keep going, as time is always catching up with you.

A few moments later, you sense heavy movement behind you, and there seems to be a muffled roar…you're not sure, but you take a turn and decide to head down a different route just to be safe. The trees are intense, thorny and very tricky to walk through; the pace you are moving at makes you feel like you're crawling; and your muscles are starting to strain. Your neck is hurting from trying to look far ahead and your legs are almost cramped from going up and down on the uneven earth. But you will yourself to move on, as you made a promise you would be there. You reach a small clearing in the woods and you speed up a little, careful not to go too fast for fear of falling into a trap. The noises around you are getting so familiar that your head gets numb after a while. It seems they have become a part of your being; like a whistle in your ear, or a static sound at the back of your head that never goes away.

Your heartbeat starts going faster as you realize you're almost there, and the numbness slowly fades. The small hut lays there, predictable as ever; and you enter cautiously, hoping not to find any surprises. You're welcomed by the peaceful little animals and insects moving around, so busy with their work. You sit in a corner and try to regain your drained energy, only to find them all squeaking at once, trying to tell you something; each in a different a pitch, each with a different tempo, and each striking at a different cell in your brain, that you can't hear yourself think. You want to scream out loud, but you can't open your mouth - except to breath.

They calm down one by one and you finally get in touch with your thoughts again; you feel your limbs and your pulse relaxing, and you begin doing what you were summoned here to do…

You take a break after long hours and walk around the hut to release your stress. Your mind wanders, aimlessly reflecting on the past and thinking about the future. You wonder if this is what you wanted, if where you are now is where you have always dreamed of going; and if the forest has even more in store for you. The paths you have taken could very well be wrong, and many would not agree to them; but you have faith in yourself and you know what you are doing – most of the time at least.

You drag yourself back inside the hut, sit in your place and enjoy the murmuring of the animals and insects; admitting to yourself that their presence actually makes life there a little more enjoyable.

The time comes when you have to make your way back into the ugly woods. You feel so heavy, like the gravity has multiplied and you're grounded to your place. However, you force your body to get up and move, promising yourself that despite the viciousness of the forest ahead, you will find your way back to comfort.

Random words I like

I like the sound of some and the meaning of others...

void
perception
spontaneous
nonexistent
posh
vanish
exhausted
hectic
dammit
lava
regardless
global
vicious
empower
metropolitan
refresh
charm
bright
legitimate
charisma
jam
marshmallow
sleek
sway
entwined
candy
conscientious
subconscious
vicious
mischievous
reality check
princess
misconception

...will keep adding to the list

you're welcome to add your favorite words too :):)

stumbling upon a soul mate

One of the best lawyers at the most established law firm in the region; Mr. Galal was 45, tall with a built figure, handsome – and single. His kind colored eyes hid the worst temper the office had ever known, for when things didn’t go his way, people could hear his voice from down the longest corridor and they would do anything to get out of his way.

Quite old fashioned; constantly wearing a full suit – mostly dark colors, he was punctual and never smoked, though a very popular habit among lawyers. Always using a pen and paper, he rarely paid attention to his computer (his emails got printed and put on his desk every other hour). And the BlackBerry he got for his last birthday lay safe and sound in its box in the last drawer.

Galal’s secretaries didn't last very long; they couldn’t keep up with his shrewdness. People around the office had different feelings towards him. Some highly respected him, and some actually feared him, but most were just bewildered by his behavior and didn’t know how to deal with his moods – except for her. Despite what most people thought, Galal was not at all boring; but he was indeed lonely. She knew that. She could see it in his eyes; the roughness and sharp manner were only concealing a tender and lonely heart, one in need of kindness and understanding, nothing more.

She was from the finance department and didn’t mingle much with the lawyers. The place was full of gossiping women and she was a curious young lady (no stressing on “young” though, for she was approaching 36 and still single). She had heard a lot about him and decided that she had to talk to him soon. Knowing exactly how she was going to start a conversation and what she was going to talk about; and because she was one of the few people who could see through him, she knew it would be easy.

It happened one day that they were both sitting in front of the MD’s office, waiting for respective appointments. It took more time than they both expected, and she found this the perfect opportunity to start a conversation. She hesitated only for a moment before uttering; “Mr. Galal, I heard you were into hunting…”

His face lit and he smiled shyly, “Yes, that’s true. Are you into hunting too?”

“No, but I used to shoot at still objects when I was a kid. I never took it to the next level though”; she said, desperately trying to keep the flow.

“It’s too bad you didn’t continue, it’s a very interesting hobby! The hunting trips and the challenge of aiming at fast moving animals are just amazing.”

“Yeah, I’m sure they are.”

They both smiled. Awkward silence. A few moments passed.

Her eyes fell on a painting of the late founder of the firm. The portrait captured every detail of his beautifully wrinkled face; it was a true masterpiece.

“I love that painting” she muttered as if to herself, smiling faintly.

“I drew that”, he said, trying to hide his pride.

She knew that already. “Really? Wow! You’re very talented, I’m impressed!”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Do you wanna see my other paintings? Wait, I’ll show you.” He didn’t wait to hear her reply.

Her smile grew wider than ever when he went all the way to his office to show her his paintings. She regained her composure as he returned with an iPod full of pictures taken of his work (obviously it was used only for this purpose). He showed her one picture after the other, just like a child showing his first drawings to his teacher, with innocent pride and no hint of arrogance. They talked about each painting for a moment, and she stole a few glances to see that he had a shade of red in his cheeks, which she guessed was because of her compliments.

Little did they know; the MD had a conference call that he wasn’t going to finish any time soon, but they were both secretly glad he was taking his time. They sat on the comfortable couches in the waiting area discussing their interests and hobbies, surprised at what they had in common. Galal’s interest in the girl grew with every passing minute; she shared his views and opinions on issues that most people were not even interested in, and got his ideas the way no one else could.

He took the lead after a while and started asking her things about herself. She was more excited than ever, but never let it show. Twenty minutes passed without them noticing; and just when the questions started to get personal, she excused herself gracefully, saying that she had to get back to her work and would have to come meet the MD later.

He caught himself gazing after her and his face broke into a teenage-crush like smile. He had a feeling at the pit of his stomach that those twenty minutes were the start of something beautiful.

She was smiling with triumph as she entered her office. Yes, he was everything she thought he would be, and their talk went better than she imagined it would. She had a feeling at the bottom of her heart that those twenty minutes were the start of something beautiful.

Panic

She wondered if the fitting room was smaller that it was the last time she was here. She could feel the neon lights melting down on her, turning the room into a heated oven. She did not want to try on this white dress. She wished she could just wrap herself up in the black curtains shyly closing the room and run out, run for her life.

She couldn't breathe, the mirrors on the three sides were all staring at her. On every side she looked, there was her face, screaming at her in panic, in desperation. She was drowning, her chest was being crushed by the dress and she was losing her head to the stupid veil on top of it. 

On one side of the quickly tightening room was darkness that foreshadowed her future; she was not prepared to see this future yet. She wanted to rewind the past few years and relive them all over again on an utterly different level. A million things she would do differently, a million people she would hold on to and others she would un-meet.

She became terrified as she realized she will never be able to do that. She will never be able to walk away from her future either. She will never be able to escape.

The last thing she remembers is the bright neon lights blinding her before she blacked out like the curtains of the room.

Unresting Train

Sitting by the window of the fast-moving train, she unwound the storytape of her life. Blaming herself for unletting go of things, she recalled some of her undazzling memories; the memories of a life so long, yet seeming so brief. She remembered her childhood, her adolescence and her married life. She unwished some of her young dreams and hopes and wished she could go back in time and dream of different ones.

Her childhood was smooth and lacking in any drama; her adolescent years went by unexciting and slow paced. She was wise and undaring. She would think and unthink any decision before making it. She would never speak a word that she would later want to unspeak, or make a promise she would later wish to unvow.

As she grew older, she started dreaming of a man who would change her whole existence, unbore her solemn life. She fantasized about a man who would take her on his wings and fly off to exotic places, uncover secrets of the world and climb the winding staircase of success, fame and fortune together. She refused the idea of a secure, comfortable life and welcomed with open arms the first one who promised her all that she dreamed of.

But months and years unraveled the ugly truth; sometimes promises can be but empty words of a young man who wants to win the woman of his dreams. Her years unfolded before her eyes as she recalled details of her similar, uninteresting days. If she could just go back and unmake some of her choices.. If only she could unbelieve the promises made to her or unwant things that were so far out of reach… If only she could unlive her whole life…

Tears streamed down her face as the train attained its last stop. 

Guilty

Guilty of the empty pages in my notebooks that I don't write in as much as I want.

Guilty of the pile of unread books in my room.

Guilty of the hours of the day I spend on facebook.

Guilty of the people I love but never call or meet.

Guilty of the people I love and call and agree to meet with, but never do.

Guilty of the negative thoughts I sometimes have about someone who doesn't deserve them.

Guilty of the endless advice my father gives me that I don't take.

Guilty of the harsh sarcasm I have that sometimes hurt people without me noticing. 

Guilty of the carelessness to my mind, body and soul. They are gifts from God that I should take more care of.

Guilty of the people I promised to help but couldn't, or just didn't.

Guilty of the endless times I knew I had to do chores and waited for my mum to ask me or do them herself.

Guilty of the little thoughtful gifts I wanted to get/make for people I love but was too lazy to.

Guilty of the hours that pass when I don't do something useful for me or others.

Guilty of the two years that have passed since my graduation when I didn't study. 

Guilty of the extra mile that I rarely go when I do anything.

Guilty of the stupid things I spend money on when I should be saving for more important things.

Guilty of not being a better me.

Seashell

A chilly summer morning. I insist on taking a walk on the beach - alone. It's like the sand is calling me to come and crush it, leaving my huge footsteps along the lines of the sea. 


I reflect on smoothly jagged childhood, the one that lead to my current lost, abstract life. I play that old game with the sea, walking so close to the water and running away as the waves come crashing in, trying not to get my feet wet. I smile at the memory of the same game I used to play when i was just a little kid; a kid running around the beach in her swimsuit, worry-less and almost emotionless - but for happiness.


That memory takes only a few moments, before I notice a beautiful seashell from afar. It wasn't near the water like the other seashells, But it wasn't far either; it seemed as if it was playing the same game with the sea :)


I go to the seashell and sit down next to it. I smile shyly as I know what I'm about to do is a bit crazy. But I do it nonetheless. I pick up the seashell and am surprised at how smooth it is; no grain of sand was even stuck to it, like it had  just been polished.


I put it to my ear and listen to the sound of the beach coming from it. Even though I'm right there at the beach, the seashell seemed to send different sounds, like it was talking to me personally in a different language. 


I held it in my hand for a while and began talking to it, speaking my mind and my heart and telling it what's bothering me and what's making me happy. And it was the best listener I've ever talked to. 


...yes, I talked to a seashell.